A Toddler's Montessori Home
Can a Montessori home make the "Terrible Twos" into "Terrific Twos"? What if most of the “Terrible Twos” phase is really just frustration and fear during a time when children are yearning to do things for themselves?
Consider for a moment how you might feel if your kitchen table was taller than you? What if your toilet seat was waist-high? What if your fork was as long as your forearm?
Adapting the child’s home to fit her body and her capabilities can reduce much of the struggle associated with the second year of life. A Montessori home offers independence--and independence is a toddler's true desire. Let’s explore some easy and inexpensive adaptations that can a big difference in a family’s daily life.
While the physical environment is a big part of creating a Montessori-inspired home, the way you interact with your child is even bigger. We’ll offer some useful phrases and strategies to support you in implementing some of Dr. Montessori’s discoveries about children, such as encouraging instead of praising, waiting to see what happens, and modeling desired behaviors.
Toddler dressing
Toddlers love choosing their own clothing! They love to take off their clothes and put on other clothes, sometimes for no reason we can see! How can you support this skill-building while also maintaining some order in your home? Include your toddler in the entire cycle of dressing: washing clothes, tumbling or hanging clothes to dry, folding clean clothes, putting away clean clothes, getting dressed, getting undressed, putting dirty laundry in the hamper, bringing dirty laundry to the washing machine, and starting the whole cycle again!
Clean laundry
Invite your child to fold and put away his clean laundry. Consider buying a small laundry basket from the dollar store. Your toddler will feel really proud when carrying his own laundry from the dryer to the bedroom! While toddler ‘folding’ starts out as just rolling things into blobs, the feeling of being included and valued is important and builds confidence. With practice and with lots of chances to watch you slowly fold things, his skills will develop.
Store your child’s clothing in places that he can reach easily. Your child might have a beautiful dresser that’s easy for you to use, but if it’s too tall for her, she’d be even happier with some inexpensive plastic storage drawers arranged on the floor. When she puts her clean laundry away in the drawers, it will be messy. Clothes will come unfolded. There might be some frustration. That’s all part of it! Do everything you can to sit on your hands and let her do it. Working through frustration is an important opportunity for growth.
Dirty laundry
Provide a lightweight, child-sized hamper in your child’s bedroom so he can take responsibility for his dirty clothes. When he undresses, pick up one piece of clothing and say, “This goes in the dirty laundry,” drop it in the hamper, and wait. Chances are very high your child will imitate you by picking up more pieces and putting them in the hamper. Encourage him by saying, “You put your dirty clothes in the dirty laundry!” On laundry day, bring your own hamper to the hallway and announce, “I’m bringing my dirty laundry to the washing machine,” then wait and see what happens. If your child goes to get his dirty laundry, great! If not, you could say something like, “Where is your dirty laundry?” A low-pressure prompt like this allows your child to feel like bringing his hamper to the washer is his own idea. Ownership goes a long way with toddlers!
Invite your toddler to pull up a stool and put her dirty laundry into the washing machine, just like you do with yours! When you are comfortable doing so, support your child with pouring in laundry detergent, and give safety messages like, “You may touch laundry detergent when I am with you. I am here to keep you safe.” If your toddler can reach, she will love pushing the start button! You can try language like, “I will touch the settings buttons. You may touch the start button.”
Your toddler will also enjoy helping you put wet clothes in the dryer or hang wet clothes on the lower rungs of a drying rack. Coming back later to find that the clothing has dried teaches important information about time and the value of waiting.
Outerwear
In your entryway, provide a low coat hook for your child’s jacket and snow pants and encourage him to hang them up after removing them. Offer a boot tray for his shoes so he always knows where to find them. A small basket for a pair of gloves, a hat, and a scarf will also be helpful. Limit the selection to one of each item. If there are five hats and two pairs of mittens in the basket, you’re absolutely going to be late! Your toddler will need to test every option!
Toddler mealtime
Meal prep
Just like with dressing, including your toddler in the entire cycle of preparing and eating food can direct his energy constructively. How often have you found it hard to make dinner because your toddler was demanding attention and then melting down because you weren’t available to play? Including your toddler in meal prep serves his needs and your own: he gets to feel included and you get that mac and cheese done!
There are many ways to include a toddler in meal prep. The most obvious way is to invite her to cook with you. Toddlers are able to retrieve items from low parts of the refrigerator or pantry (with a bit of help opening the door), bring you a pot from the low cupboard, stand on a stool beside you and fill a pot with water, wash produce in a colander, mash soft foods, use a crinkle cutter to cut ingredients, spread cheese on crackers or nut butter on toast…there are endless ways to include your child in food preparation. Every one of these activities offers opportunities for fine motor development, and also for learning language—mash! colander! pantry! crinkle cutter! Progress might be a bit slower than if you were cooking alone, but it will be a lot faster (and more joyful) than if you are dealing with a meltdown!
Table setting and clearing
Another opportunity for involving your child is inviting them to set their place at the table. It might sound unbelievable, but your young child can absolutely do this for herself. At school, children set their own places at the table from the age of 16 months. All she needs is some simple support. You can make simple adjustments that will help prepare the space ahead of time.
Trace the outlines of dishes and cutlery on a plain placemat.
Set aside space in a low cupboard for your child’s dishes and placemat.
Place a small, child-sized table and chair next to the adults’ table. It doesn’t have to cost a lot. You can use an end table an a little plastic stool, or ask around for a hand-me-down, or check thrift stores and garage sales.
During meal time, model setting your own place at the adult table. Give safety messages like, “Carry one thing at a time,” and then model carrying one thing at a time. If your child drops something and it breaks, stay calm and say, “Remember to carry with two hands.” Then simply clean up the broken pieces. These are the same messages your child is hearing at school, and the familiarity will be comforting.
When your child has reached the point of setting the table independently, you can gain five minutes of solo cooking by simply saying, “Is your table ready?” Low-pressure prompts are your friend!
At school, your child is learning to plate food using spoons and small tongs. Inviting her to plate her food at home during mealtime reinforces important social skills like waiting for a turn and leaving some for others.
At the end of the meal, your child can clear his dishes independently. Consider placing a plastic dish pan on the floor beside the sink or the dishwasher and inviting your child to clear his dishes into it. The same messages apply to “un”setting the table: “Carry one thing at a time,” and, “Use two hands to carry.” If you notice your child is dropping breakable dishes into the dishpan willy nilly, invite him to listen to the sound of you placing a dish in the dishpan gently. “Watch what I do…I placed that dish so quietly! Can you put a dish in quietly?” When he succeeds, encourage him with a simple, “That was so quiet!”