Montessori Toileting at Home
Preparing the bathroom
All important work begins with preparing the environment. Toilet learning can be supported with minor, temporary, inexpensive modifications to your existing bathroom. Some helpful adjustments are:
Offering a potty chair if space allows.
Modifying the full-sized toilet with a removable seat adapter. If the toilet is shared among the toddler and adults, the adapter will need to be removed after each use. Consider storing it in a plastic bin beside the toilet. Eventually, your child will be independent enough that she will remove the adapter from the bin, place it on the toilet, and use the toilet herself. It is very important that the adapter and the bin be continually disinfected by an adult.
Providing a step stool for climbing onto the adult toilet.
Providing a step stool for reaching the sink. (The same step stool can be used for both purposes if it is lightweight enough for the child to move it independently.)
Providing a receptacle for soiled clothing. This receptacle will need to be sanitized often, so plastic or stainless steel are best.
Providing storage for clean clothing. Children feel empowered when they have a choice of garments, but too many options can overwhelm or lead to distraction from the purpose of the bathroom. At school, children start each morning with a supply of clean clothing in their personal storage space: five pairs of underwear, two shirts, two pairs of pants, and two pairs of socks. If this supply is exhausted over the course of the day, we replenish with more clothing from their backpacks.
Providing mild hand soap and a supply of clean hand towels. At school, we require children to wash their hands every time they are in the bathroom, whether they use the toilet or not. Children enjoy handwashing and feel capable when they are trusted with something as powerful as a faucet.
Offering a supply of board books. Ideally, these books would be related to toileting and would be easy to sanitize.
Stocking the bathroom with cleaning materials, stored out of reach of children. It is a good idea for an adult to disinfect the potty chair, adapter, toilet, and step stool after each use.
Preparing yourself
Much is made of a child's readiness for toileting. What is less frequently considered is the adult's readiness. Adults who are supporting a child through Montessori toilet learning must be emotionally ready for the process. You will need:
Emotional detachment. It is safe for you to let go of any pressure you might feel around 'succeeding' or 'failing,' because this learning is not yours. It is important to be at peace with the fact that toilet learning belongs entirely to your child. An adult cannot make a child empty their bladder or bowels and, therefore, an adult has no power to teach a child to use the toilet. Within the Montessori Method, the adult's role is to create a prepared environment that is emotionally safe and physically prepared, no more and no less.
Patience. Toilet learning can be a long and messy process. Toileting mistakes and regressions will happen and these are normal. Toileting mistakes are easier to manage patiently when the adult accepts that the child's toilet learning is not a reflection of the adult's value as a parent, but is the child's own personal development. A matter-of-fact, unemotional, "Your underwear is wet. We will go to the bathroom," is all the information a child needs.
Reasonable expectations. It is the rare child who learns toileting quickly. Toilet learning is complex. There may be periods when the child's toileting progress plateaus, and you might feel like giving up, bribing your child with rewards, or punishing your child with words. It is important to resist the urge to panic and change course. Changing course will invalidate all of the work your child has already done and will require your child to start over.
Trust. Not all progress is visible. You might feel as though your child is making no progress because you cannot see a change in your child's behaviors. However, there is always more happening inside a child's mind than is visible outside. Trust that your child is learning, even when you cannot see evidence.
Supporting Your Child
Allow your child to wear underwear all day.
Invite your child to the toilet every 30-45 minutes.
Avoid power struggles by eliminating the habit of asking yes or no questions such as, “Do you want to use the potty now?” The answer will always be no.
Use confident language and offer a choice. "It is time to use the toilet. You may use the potty chair or the toilet. Which would you prefer?"
Encourage your child to pull down and pull up her own underwear. You might need to start with saying, “You pull up the front and I’ll pull up the back.”
Remain friendly, but try not to engage in conversation or distract your child from the task. Silence is supportive and kind.
Demonstrate for your child how large of a piece of toilet paper is appropriate and let them practice ripping toilet paper under supervision. If your child unrolls large quantities of toilet paper, calmly remove the toilet paper roll and give them a piece when they are ready. Replace the toilet paper roll before the next bathroom visit. The less exciting response you give to this behavior, the less likely you will end up calling a plumber.
Coach children to flush the toilet only one time per bathroom visit. Disinfect the flush handle often.
Be sure your child knows where to put wet or soiled clothing.
When you visit a new location with your child, take them to visit the bathroom on arrival. Let them know where the bathroom is and that you are available to bring them to the bathroom. Maintain the same consistency when out as you do at home.
Toilet learning is a challenging time, but a special time. It is a stepping stone toward your child's functional independence!